I have this dream of taking off for the holidays...going somewhere warm. I typically get a break for the holidays. My day job gives me the week between Christmas and New Year's off. A great chance to take off. And I never have. I keep saying "this year is the one. I'll do it this time." But it doesn't ever happen.
I suppose that's not entirely true. I did go to Las Vegas last year. It was really not what I had in mind. But the opportunity was there, and it was warm there.
No, I'm thinking exotic. Mexico. Greece. Or places even more exotic, where other traditions are observed. But if there are warm beaches, even better. The winter hasn't even started yet and it is a bit of a drag. The constant feeling of having phlegm lodged in my sinuses, my chest. I can feel it when I breathe. It's like something is in there, sharing each breath I take, stealing some of it for itself. Like some sort of breath tapeworm. This is the way that winter feels in my body. I also lose my sense of smell when this happens. It is dreadful, because I love smells. I love the scents of cinnamon, coffee, pine, crisp mountain air, food cooking.
It's part of why I do Bikram Yoga. On the day I signed up, they made me fill out a form of personal information. They wanted to know why we came. I wrote "to find my own loveliness." But that's not the only reason. I love the heat. The ability to spend just 90 minutes per day in a really hot room is refreshing. I could spend the whole day in there. There is nothing about it that is too hot or stuffy for me. It is just right, and the tapeworm recedes someplace hidden, giving me my lungs back. Sometimes, I can even smell again. Maybe that's not the best thing, because people really sweat in there, it doesn't smell good. Like really stale socks, old towels, steeped in the juices of a hundred different people.
As much as I'd like to escape the oppressive lack of oxygen, this year, I have work to do. I can't really get away. And I can't really spend the money. I'll stay home, and I'll crank up the heat in the house. I will be working on projects that need to be done. The bathroom, in particular, which has had a slow leak under the sink that I didn't discover until this fall. I have no idea how long that has been going on, but the underside of the cabinet is gone and the floor beneath is covered in black slime. I discovered it when I found myself thinking that it smelled like my Grandparent's house in there. I didn't want it to smell that way, so I investigated. Opening the cabinet to discover...whatever it was...we, I thought uh oh, this is going to cost a bit. I've been checking prices on new bathroom cabinetry, and it isn't cheap. Do I hire someone to do it? Do I try it myself? I have a friend who owns a cabinet shop, and they have seconds and returns. I hope they have something that will work. I'm going to find a cabinet and install it myself. That's what I'll be doing with my week after Christmas, I think. Measuring twice, cutting once, fixing all the holes, filling in the gaps in the tile, painting walls. Making my nasty little house into a pretty place again. Sitting in the hot room at the yoga studio. And...repeat.
My life is full of things like this. Little smelly places that I've looked past because I didn't have time for them or didn't feel like thinking about them. Some of them have been festering for years. I need to root them out. Get rid of what's making them reek and let them sit for a while, open and empty, to reacquaint myself with their character. Then fill them with things of value or beauty that truly belong in those spaces.
It's a transformation that began years ago, I know that. And I don't think it is done yet.
I wish you insight for the holidays, which will incite you to action that will make your next year perfect, whole and complete.
I suppose that's not entirely true. I did go to Las Vegas last year. It was really not what I had in mind. But the opportunity was there, and it was warm there.
No, I'm thinking exotic. Mexico. Greece. Or places even more exotic, where other traditions are observed. But if there are warm beaches, even better. The winter hasn't even started yet and it is a bit of a drag. The constant feeling of having phlegm lodged in my sinuses, my chest. I can feel it when I breathe. It's like something is in there, sharing each breath I take, stealing some of it for itself. Like some sort of breath tapeworm. This is the way that winter feels in my body. I also lose my sense of smell when this happens. It is dreadful, because I love smells. I love the scents of cinnamon, coffee, pine, crisp mountain air, food cooking.
It's part of why I do Bikram Yoga. On the day I signed up, they made me fill out a form of personal information. They wanted to know why we came. I wrote "to find my own loveliness." But that's not the only reason. I love the heat. The ability to spend just 90 minutes per day in a really hot room is refreshing. I could spend the whole day in there. There is nothing about it that is too hot or stuffy for me. It is just right, and the tapeworm recedes someplace hidden, giving me my lungs back. Sometimes, I can even smell again. Maybe that's not the best thing, because people really sweat in there, it doesn't smell good. Like really stale socks, old towels, steeped in the juices of a hundred different people.
As much as I'd like to escape the oppressive lack of oxygen, this year, I have work to do. I can't really get away. And I can't really spend the money. I'll stay home, and I'll crank up the heat in the house. I will be working on projects that need to be done. The bathroom, in particular, which has had a slow leak under the sink that I didn't discover until this fall. I have no idea how long that has been going on, but the underside of the cabinet is gone and the floor beneath is covered in black slime. I discovered it when I found myself thinking that it smelled like my Grandparent's house in there. I didn't want it to smell that way, so I investigated. Opening the cabinet to discover...whatever it was...we, I thought uh oh, this is going to cost a bit. I've been checking prices on new bathroom cabinetry, and it isn't cheap. Do I hire someone to do it? Do I try it myself? I have a friend who owns a cabinet shop, and they have seconds and returns. I hope they have something that will work. I'm going to find a cabinet and install it myself. That's what I'll be doing with my week after Christmas, I think. Measuring twice, cutting once, fixing all the holes, filling in the gaps in the tile, painting walls. Making my nasty little house into a pretty place again. Sitting in the hot room at the yoga studio. And...repeat.
My life is full of things like this. Little smelly places that I've looked past because I didn't have time for them or didn't feel like thinking about them. Some of them have been festering for years. I need to root them out. Get rid of what's making them reek and let them sit for a while, open and empty, to reacquaint myself with their character. Then fill them with things of value or beauty that truly belong in those spaces.
It's a transformation that began years ago, I know that. And I don't think it is done yet.
I wish you insight for the holidays, which will incite you to action that will make your next year perfect, whole and complete.
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